Be kind. F*ck nice.

A friend recently asked me to write a letter to people who are always worried how they’re coming across to others. She doesn’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings by sharing hers, but she’s also sick of editing herself. In her words, “I mean, when will I stop fretting over this sh*t?” Sound familiar? Do you constantly censor yourself because you’re worried about other people’s reactions?

In our hunter-gatherer primitive nature, women especially have an inherent urge to nurture and protect. So it is completely natural to care about the feelings and opinions of others. What tends to happen, though, is that we too often put those feelings and opinions above our own. I’m not saying we shouldn’t care about how our words impact other people. Of course that matters. But the more we hold back our authenticity, the less connection we feel. How great would it be to feel truly comfortable in your own skin, no matter where you are?

I love this quote:


I tell my kids to be honest and kind. Over and over I say it, honesty and kindness. Because I don’t want them to fall prey to this unfortunate social epidemic of white lies. I guess it hearkens back to “if you don’t have something nice to say, blah blah blah” which has merit at its root, but that has morphed into never talking about how we really feel.

It’s created a culture of nice insincerity and political correctness.

If we are really going to be kind, we have to be our best, truest selves. We care about what others think; now we just have to work on caring about ourselves more. And it needs to be a social contract where we ALL do it. We speak the truth with kindness, and we believe the best of others. We need to give other people the latitude that we’d like them to give us.

Will you join me in showing our true selves with honesty and kindness? Let’s spread the word. #bekindfucknice. Or #bekindfcknice. Whatever floats your boat. I won’t judge.

Love and purple to you all,